I now have a ‘new’ laptop (one of daughter’s old ones), although I still don’t know how to upload photos from my camera (hence use of Unsplash image above). Since my last post, my dear friend died (lung cancer), I led her funeral on 11th December, which was the same day my one-and-only auntie died (motor neuron disease) her funeral was 2nd January, and today is the first anniversary of Lilian’s death (brain tumour)…
We have lost three amazing woman to three horrible deaths, and those who knew and loved them have been changed by their passing. Three sad husbands are trying to navigate the world without their life-partners, women they had known and loved for over 50 years, women who helped them define their place, their role, their direction…
While the internet is full of ‘new year, new you’ fluff, these three men are redefining themselves in ways they didn’t choose – they never wanted to be ‘widowers’, they never wanted to be the ones left behind. And as their friends, as well as processing our own grief, we are walking alongside them, spending time with them, inviting them to events.
I am deeply grateful to my own hubby, who is stepping up, especially when I can’t (whenever I’m physically/emotionally exhausted), and my dad (who in June will have been a widower of 20 years) – these two amazing men are being present and available to these three newly grieving men…
This first post of 2020 is not meant to be morbid or morose, but to uphold a vital truth: 
To really appreciate and value the joy and possibility each new day holds, we need to remember death is never far away. The created world ‘knows’ each new bud, each new snowdrop contains the beginnings of its own decay – it’s not morbid, it’s the honest reality of the world we inhabit.
I describe myself as a ‘realistic Romantic’, a fan of the English Romantic poets and authors, I ascribe to the wisdom of William Blake’s ‘Auguries of Innocence’ (1863):
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
To be fully alive is to hold joy and sorrow as equally important. The big and the small are two sides of the same coin. 
On my desk today, lots of pretty cards as I’m busy trying to catch up on penpal letters and a plethera of thank yous. At this time of year, we’re spoiled by neighbours sharing their veggie garden produce (runner beans, squash, courgettes, marrows), and beautiful flowers (mainly dahlias – who knew there were so many varieties??) Also, it’s been a busy week visiting friends for tea, coffee, or lunch, and I do like to send a thank you card afterwards 🙂
It has a definite end of summer, beginning of new school year feel (I really do love September so!) and I can feel my energy rising as the temperatures cool 🙂 Here are close ups of each page:
I’ve also been making cards (September is full of birthdays!), but did I think to photograph my creations? They’re now all sealed up ready for posting… And on Monday, I started a 14-day writing challenge over on my other blog, where I’ve been writing directly on the blog and just hitting Publish after my 15-minute free-write. Here’s 
…. and pens and markers – to see what works best with my stamps and what colours I still need to purchase.
It’s been a fun, useful exercise 🙂 Sharing with other deskers over 
We had a wonderful time perusing all their yummy stock and chatting to Alfie 🙂 He told me all about this – which I’d never seen before…
As you may know, before the stroke I used to stamp A LOT – art journalling, making cards, swapping ATCs – then, when I thought I’d never stamp again, I gave away 100s of clear and rubber stamps and dozens of stamping blocks! I kept a handful of wood-mounted stamps, which I sort of manage to use left-handed (the image is invaribly squiffy, though).
It is just SO wonderful to be stamping again! Now, I just wish I had more stamps to play with… And I need more ink pads – over a decade in storage, many are bone dry 😦
At such times, I do what soothes me – scribbling my thoughts, cutting and pasting beautiful images…
On the desk from left to right: 
Notice the ‘new’ desk blotter (a canny ebay purchase 🙂 It’s a vintage one and has suede underneath, so no slippage!). I spent the Summer Solstice doing a Mid-Year Review, which I really enjoyed. I wrote more than I thought possible – this lightweight pen with the pen-grip is really helping!
Also I’m 90 days into my 100-day challenge (not that I officially joined any of the online groups – this was purely a personal thing to keep my hand working despite the tennis elbow). Answering the daily prompts from 
Sharing over at 
And a very kind chap took a photo of us all
And this one, June 4th’s entry: ‘What do you think of when you think about love?’
I’m using this 